Visionary or Fuckwit?

When I first stumbled upon this I thought it was satire. Razor sharp satire. Markus Rothkranz is the living embodiment of every reason people want to punch hippies in the face. He couldn’t be real, could he? According to his website (honestly, check it out. It’s un-fucking-believable), he is, indeed, for real. Markus defines himself as ‘artist, filmmaker and healer’, but he should add ‘fucking fruitloop’. Markus sprouts vague bullshit about healing, love, how to make fake bacon out of coconut and how to live past 150 (small problem, Markus. No one has beat 122. Ever). Shit, he even tells you to eat weeds (I’ll stick to smoking them, Markyboy). But what I find more disturbing than Markus’s bizarre claims are his attempts to look like a teenager: he rides a skateboard (he’s 50) dresses like a roadie for Justin Beiber (or a gay pirate, depending on his speaking engagement) and has unnatural, blonde, straightened hair. Despite his hide-in-plain-sight paedophilic behaviour (think: Michael Jackson), it would appear that Markus gets heaps of ass – every second one of his videos has him tongue lashing or hugging some half naked glamazon. The only thing more fraudulent than Markus’s appearance are his ‘archival videos’. These things are edited with a fucking meat cleaver and feature more green screen than the Star Wars prequels. Check out the bullshit below.


One of these guys is fucking hilarious, the other is Steve Carrell.

Wow, I didn’t know you could heal autism with green smoothies.

What. The. Fuck.


He cannot be serious. Oh, wait.